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Aug. 2nd, 2009 @ 11:35 pm First year of being Sentenced to Chicago for Four Done, or "OMG Cronos actually updated his LJ".
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: "Deep Powder", The Rippingtons
I figure it's been a long while since I updated this with anything substantial, so here we go:

*Deep Breath*

I recently finished my first year as a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology (PsyD) at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, and it's been a wild one: A move to Chicago, almost getting mugged twice, getting lost looking for a White Castle (of course), gobs and gobs of reading ridiculously over-priced textbooks that I will likely use only to make my office look professional 4 years from now, pursuance of a couple opportunities for romance that as per the usual failed (big surprise), running back home from time to time to ensure that my Father had company day and night during his bout with Cancer (the hardy SOB beat it, if there was ever any doubt) during the holidays, dealing with roommate drama in that it was like being the family member everyone took pity on and took in in the extra room with the married couple living in the rest of the house.

It included a number of trips both back home to St. Louis (how I miss thee) and even Champaign, IL just to see some close friends and get away from the city. I guess I'm just a suburbanite at heart; I can't get used to the city: too many people, too much litter and pollution, too little greenery. My parents and friends back in STL always laugh at me when I say how happy I am to see grass and trees. They don't know just how good they have it. The world was not meant to be covered by asphalt and concrete.

It included, most recently, the "Move from the Black Lagoon": I trade location close to the downtown area (and close to the school) for a nice spot by the lake, but a longer commute. Meh. Standing for 15 minutes in a crowded blue line train underground is about the same as sitting on a red line train above ground for 40 minutes. I can always entertain myself with either my DS or read a book, do some last-minute schoolwork, etc. Anyway, considering my move a year ago from STL to the Chicago area went ridiculously smoothly, I could never have been prepared for what awaited me in the last 2 days. I'd bore you all with the story but let's just say: I will never move within the city on my own again. Hopefully I can stay here in Rogers Park for the rest of my tenure here at the Chicago School, but if worst comes to worst, I'm paying someone else to do it. I will not drive a U-haul down suburban streets in Chicago EVER. AGAIN. I am very, very, very lucky that I did not do damage to not only several cars but nearly a Post Office van of all things (FEDERAL OFFENSE LOL) rounding a tight corner in an impossibly narrow and crowded street(hate Chicago so much).

It included an almost endless search for a practicum that finally got resolved a little more than a month ago, and only when I agreed to a practicum that will be literally nearly two hours drive away in Kankakee, Illinois. Not that it's that far away, but because Chicago traffic is so fracking awful that an hour trip turns into a two-hour trip. The good news is that the trip to Shapiro Developmental Center can be done on a Sunday night when there is far less traffic and I can sleep in a special bunker (they call it a cottage, but it's a bunker) for students and workers, which is nice. They realize people have to travel far just to work there, especially students from Chicago. Drive up on Sunday night, spend the night, work Monday 9-5, sleep, work Tuesday 9-5, drive home to Rogers Park, go to classes Wednesday-Thursday, have Friday through Sunday early afternoon to do schoolwork, then wash, rinse and repeat.

It's been a crazy year, and I can't believe I've lived in this insane place for a year. I'm getting used to it, but I've realized that this place is just not for me. As soon as my 4 years are done here, I'm out like a light.


---


For those still reading, I applaud thee heartily. I will try to update my LJ more often, but for updates more often, check me out on twitter @Cronos006. A little bit of Psychology, a little bit of Sports, and a little bit of the events of my life. I promise you'll be entertained.

Thanks for reading. See ya.
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Hooray
Jun. 28th, 2009 @ 02:24 am Brought on by a debate:
Simple situation brought up in a recent hour-long discussion/debate at the Chicago School.

---

Shy Gay males will find a willing partner more quickly than Shy Straight males.

Go.
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Phil
May. 7th, 2009 @ 12:02 pm Manny Being Banny
Current Mood: Schadenfreude
Current Music: ESPN on TV




Manny Ramirez tests positive for PEDs, La Times reports this morning. Suspended 50 games for PEDs, won't play to July 3rd.

I can't help but let my personal sports fan feelings be affected by this, so I had a nice chuckle at it.

However, to be fair, the more players discovered to have been using or currently using PEDs, the less I care about it. If at one point (as many MLB officials suspect) as much as 90% of players were using, then the ones who didn't were stupid not to do so. 

---

Enjoying a few days off in May (home in STL for a couple of weeks) between semesters at the Chicago School. Nice to be home again for a while.

See ya.  
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Hooray
Apr. 29th, 2009 @ 11:11 am Want. To. Get. Out. Of. Here.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Just found out that my ride that was supposed to be coming tomorrow to take me home to STL probably won't be coming 'til Saturday. Bargle-Flickle. Too much stuff to take home to hop a train, plane or bus, and too close to the date to rent a car. I'd have to pay a fortune.

Oh, and the roommate gave me the monthly bill for the apartment last night. You'd think he could at least suggest that the utilities (not even the rent, mind you) be split 3 ways, but he doesn't. Insensitive ingrate. I'll be glad to finally be done of him in August. If I had a single confrontational bone in my body I'd bring this up.

I'll leave him a note. Considering me, that's pretty confrontational. And that's the best I can do.
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Determined
Apr. 26th, 2009 @ 01:26 am Updates: Elaboration and Concluding Thoughts on the Billette
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: "Bright Tiger", Acoustic Alchemy
I've started searching for new apartments, and I've sent an e-mail to put my name back on the roommate search list for incoming students. I figure that's about all I can do at this point.

All in all, those of you who are used to my occasional outburst of OMG DRAMA probably understand that in all likelihood I've overreacted to the Billette situation. Several sources have questioned as to why I should be bothered by such a situation that has come about, but in the end even if that situation weren't happening I would probably seek a different/better place of living. It's a decent apartment I live in, it's not great.

Further, in my opinion, what I'm paying to live in this area is just not worth it. I'm paying to be within 15 minutes of downtown. That's pretty much it. Living in a much better area up north may mean it takes longer to get to class or practicum in the future, but it might also mean the possibility of having my car around. Having a seat on a train-ride into the downtown area with which I can read, do homework at the last minute, play some DS, take a nap, etc. Plus, it could mean being much closer to the lake, which of course has its own benefits.

Tonight on Craigslist I found a 2BR apartment on the North Side, two blocks away from the lake, 1 1/2 blocks from the red line train, with heat included, which with a roommate in tow would end up being less than I'm paying now. Not to mention I'm much closer to pretty much everyone in the Chicago School Clinical PsyD program. I'd say all of those reasons end up with the conclusion that it's more than worth it. Plus it will be fun to be on the "wise, all-knowing sensai" end of a newbie moving into the Chicago area for once. Because clearly I'm a seasoned vet at this point and know everything there is to know by now about this area. :P

In the end, if Billette wants to move off into their own place or if they want to keep this place, that's fine by me. I don't have much clue as to what their plan is, but regardless at this point, my plan is to move on.

I made some dramatic posts about it, but in the end what it came down to with Bill and I is that I made a crucial mistake in my search for a roommate: I found someone that I considered my doppelganger (Bill and I have this ongoing joke that he's a younger, thin, red-haired version of me). Same geeky interests (video games, anime', etc), same habits, same introversive qualities, same cleanliness (or so I thought), you get the idea. And what I wished for, I got...but it revealed some things that I didn't want to know, in the end. He's not a bad person, he will do good work in the field with his clients in the future, and I wish him well, and his Woman the same. In the end, it just didn't work out. Everytime I thought that we finally clicked, he would say or do something else that would remind me that we just weren't meant to be roommates. And honestly I'm okay with that.

While I never really felt that I got along with Bill, nor did I ever really felt like he cared anything about me as more than just a discount on his rent and utilities, I cannot fault Bill for his inhospitality. He was a bit intolerable at times with his cleanliness rituals, but he never really troubled me too much with things that were unreasonable.

I just felt that there was this startling disconnect, and it wasn't by accident. When I said that I thought Bill was a lot like me I meant it, and when I felt this disconnect from him it startled me and made me wonder if I put out the same disconnect from other people: for those who know me personally, please answer me truthfully, if you have read this far: do I put out the same vibes? I honestly want to know your response.

Anyway, thank you for reading this far. I've got a few more final projects to finish up before next Thursday when I get a ride home to STL and get at least a few weeks' break before the impending Summer Session/Desperate Search for a Practicum Site begins. Should make for an interesting Summer.

See ya.
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Phil
Apr. 13th, 2009 @ 11:38 pm Albert Pujols = Deus Ex Machina
Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed
Current Music: "Why Didn't you Eliminate them, Albert?"

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ml0O-wPwsVU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ml0O-wPwsVU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

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Hooray
Apr. 11th, 2009 @ 02:35 am Where have ye gone, St. Louis?
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
It's not nearly as much fun to come home to STL as it used to be.

Every moment is spent either listening to my Mother telling me: "How good it is to see you here" or listening to my Father saying: "Well you can try and fix it and it isn't going to work, but do whatever you want" or entertaining the dog. If my Brother happens to be in when I'm home (he's not here this weekend) I'm treated to a dissertation on why Psychology is pseudoscience. It's hard to say, but when your parents become formulaic, it's time to realize they are no longer 'your' parents. They are just 'Parents'.

I've officially reached it, there's no doubt, and it scares me: my family no longer provides the support that it has over the years. This both invigorates and terrifies me. On the one hand, it's good to know I can exist away from them but on the other hand, it's not like I'm really living away from them. Yes, I know and have made friends of people, but this is the age when "local boy makes good in big city" usually comes to pass, and that usually includes finding and seducing "True Love(tm)", but clearly that ain't happening. It's a strange feeling. I feel at home, here in STL still, but I no longer feel at home here when my support system consists of my own mind.

The parents (even my brother) are no longer the people I loved growing up. They've changed. I'm wrestling with myself in that I really want to believe that it's that my own mind that has grown beyond hugs, home-cooked meals, and family camaraderie, but I'm not sure it has.  The trouble is, the people who used to provide that aren't here anymore. Let's be honest: everyone has a need to suckle from a source that provides them with something, no matter how independent or strong they are.

And from my heart to yours, loyal LJ readers: I've been such a family proponent for so long that it's difficult for me to venture out. It's not like I'm getting the support from, say, my roommate or anything. 

See ya. Things will be getting a mite bit more interesting soon.  
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Phil
Apr. 6th, 2009 @ 11:38 pm New HBO Show: "In Treatment"
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: An "In Treatment" Episode I'm watching

Anyone else seen this show in its second season, I believe?

I've only seen about the first eight episodes of the first season, but I'm really digging it so far. One of the most accurate portrayals of the therapeutic process that I've seen on TV, dealing with all of the nuances of transference, countertransference, resistance to therapy by the client, and other therapist and client issues that come up. In an era where there's a lot of confusion, mistrust, and puzzlement about what exactly goes on in a therapeutic alliance, this show sheds a lot of light on the reality of it. Most importantly it emphasizes that not everything is rainbows, gumdrops, and lollipops within the sessions as well as the fact that the therapist is indeed human and subject to all sorts of conflicts, feelings, and issues.

Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winning.


To quote the NY Times:


"...If it is possible to find pleasure in other people’s psychic pain — and obviously it is — there is no better place for it than in the therapy sessions that begin on Sunday night. This season of “In Treatment” in particular seems uncannily suited to the times: Paul’s patients include an unfulfilled litigator at a fancy Manhattan law firm and the anxious chief executive of a scandal-ridden corporation.

When first introduced, “In Treatment” looked like an unlikely bet. The scripts were taken, nearly word for word, from a successful Israeli series, “Be’ Tipul.” Almost every scene was set in a therapy session — Paul’s with a patient, and Paul’s session with his confidant and former supervisor Gina (Dianne Wiest) — essentially a chain of two-person, one-act plays without action, sets or pop-music cues.

Despite a few awkward cultural adjustments, the transposition from Tel Aviv to suburban Maryland worked, partly thanks to the seductive power of the therapeutic process — psychotherapy: the home game. Classic theories of repression, transference and countertransference were artfully compressed into verbal jousts between doctor and patient. Characters’ inner workings were signaled with an ill-chosen word, an offhand gesture or a prolonged silence. And when Paul went to Gina with his own troubles (and ethical transgressions), he left his benevolent authority behind and morphed into a typical patient — defensive, self-pitying and blinkered. And Gina, in turn, proved to have baggage of her own.

The first season was riveting partly because it was so flattering; the viewer was the real supervisor in the room..."

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/03/arts/television/03trea.html?hpw


If you don't have cable, seek out other means to acquire an episode or two and check it out. It's well worth it if you're at all interested in the closest as possible to the "real world" of what psychotherapy is all about.

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Phil
Apr. 6th, 2009 @ 12:04 pm Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball AHHHHHHHH
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Quiet Classroom during Lunch Break
There's nothing quite so refreshing as figuring for months that you'll have to watch opening day on your laptop discreetly in the middle of your afternoon psychodynamic lecture then finding out that very day that said lecture happens to be cancelled. :D

Opening day, baby! It's magic. In St. Louis, it's practically a religious holiday.

Enjoy!
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Hippo
Apr. 3rd, 2009 @ 02:23 am Late Night Chicago
Current Mood: crappyMal a Laise
Tonight I discovered that Chicago does indeed have some beauty to it. I found myself walking the streets of Wicker Park tonight, long after most had gone to bed. Even though the rain was pouring and the wind was vicious, I discovered a central truth: When the weather is bad and the hour is late, most people won't venture out. I wandered the streets for what seemed like quite awhile. They are indeed beautiful when there is noone about at the late, late hours when there are no cars blaring their horns. And in that I discovered a central truth about myself. I enjoy wandering places which seem undiscovered alone.
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Determined
Mar. 25th, 2009 @ 04:09 am Brady Rule? Really???
Current Mood: shockedshocked
http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/articles/2009/03/24/brady_rule_steps_taken_to_protect_qbs_knees/

...because Tom Brady is the only quarterback ever to have his knee blown out by defending player.

"...It's not good for the league. What makes it special is special players. It's like going to see a great movie and the star isn't in the movie. It's the same principle."


Let's try this one more time. NO player is bigger than the game itself. Period. Heck, even in other sports. Albert Pujols is not bigger than Major League Baseball, and he's about as big as it gets player-wise.

Is the NFL really suffering all that much from not having the Patriots in the playoffs? Good Lord. This past season was the first time in a long time I've paid as much attention to the NFL postseason as I did, and my team hasn't been in it for more than three years.

Is it any wonder nobody with any serious knowledge of sports cares about ESPN's opinion anymore?

Even its ombudsman recently got fired for having the "gall" to point out her employer's idiotic attitude toward sports hero worship.
(http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=schreiber_leanne&id=3983722)
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Phil
Mar. 10th, 2009 @ 02:42 am Future Thoughts
Current Mood: troubled
Current Music: "Heaven's Open", Mike Oldfield
The Chicago School provides a vastly discounted rate among its students for therapy, though it seems rather difficult to get it. The program encourages its students to undergo therapy, after all. I'm beginning to think it might be beneficial for me to investigate that student rate. Why? Well as anyone reading this knows, my current problem(and if I'm honest, long-going problem): I've never had even more than two dates in my life. Not that I haven't tried, but it is what it is.

If I've never had a serious relationship, much less a sexual relationship, how can I possibly address sexual issues as a therapist, much less any deviant/homosexual/fetish issues that my future clients will present with?

It's one thing to come into administering therapy with the mainstream male perspective of relationships, romance, sex, and what have you, but I don't even have that. How can I even operate from the standpoint of my own male, heterosexual, traditional, imposed beliefs if I don't even have the experience to even have beliefs in the first place?
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Determined
Mar. 6th, 2009 @ 12:04 am Whither Twitter?
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "Imperial Audience", Genso Suikoden OST
Anyone out there in LJ-land use this shiny new internet toy yet?

I've recently been introduced to it by following Cardinals' spring training updates through the major beat-writers for the team. Updates by the minute are a pretty cool concept, whether it's for sports, celebrity stalking, or keeping up with one's friendly-type peeps.

Opinions?

---

In the meanwhile, I'm back in St. Louis until Sunday night and on Spring Break until March 15th. I will be using the time mainly to catch up on reading and homework, including learning how to and scoring the damn Rorshach test.

So far I haven't made much headway, though inebriation helps the process make a lot more sense.

See ya.
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Crazy
Mar. 1st, 2009 @ 04:35 am Recap as promised but lesson not as predicted
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: "The Bell", Mike Oldfield
I promised a recap of "the date" I had about a week ago with the girl in my program.

We had a great time. We met at the red-line stop near her apartment, stopped at a Thai place, and had some great food and great conversation. We both went back to her place and watched a movie on her couch. In short, I thought everything was going just fine. However both before that event and since that event, everytime I'ved ask her out to something she either says she's busy, postpones, cancels at the last minute, or brings someone else with her to agreed upon one-on-one meetings. At this point I have to believe she doesn't have any interest in me. I don't think I could have made it any clearer to her what my intentions were. One can only take so many "Rain check!"'s before one stops trying.

Valentine's day used to be something I disliked, even hated at times over the years. For a good while, this past year, I was certain I had moved past that since I had gifted said girl with a pretty big valentine's day gift. Turns out that gift was the only reason she did anything with me. My intent was to use V-day as a way to tell her just how I felt about her. She seemed to respond this, and acted rather warm and happy about her v-day gift. It's clear that the only reason she dated me was my (apparently) impromptu gift.

So here's another reason V-day sucks: It makes people feel obligated to do things they wouldn't otherwise do, like this girl who clearly had no interest in me: reacted all brightly and glowingly to my gift (made me feel like a real winner who, in the end, had a chance) and insisted we hang out and made it clear we'd date again.


All in all I'm not that broken up about it, really. I just badly misjudged things.

In other news, my Spring break is next week, and so this Thursday I'm flying back to STL for the first time in 2 months (though it feels like longer), so I'm looking forward to that.
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Determined
Feb. 18th, 2009 @ 01:09 am "I now have a Webcam. Yippe-ki-yay mother******"
Current Mood: mischievousmischievous
So, the parents sent out a webcam to my Brother and I. I guess they decided to forgo the wait for the whole "Grandchildren" thing and go ahead and send them out now that we all live in different states. Now I can make extra money off of webcam porn.

Seriously, anyone out there on chat programs I talk to that have a webcam, let me know next time we talk. For some reason, webcam chat is a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

See ya.
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Crazy
Feb. 13th, 2009 @ 12:49 am V-Day is tomorrow
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Here's the place where I normally rail on and on about how much I hate Valentine's day.

Well, instead, I play hypocrite where I still don't agree with it yet I plan to use it as a way to let a girl in the same grad program as I know how I feel. I've spent a good deal of time doing little favors, hanging around her, texting, etc and basically doing everything but coming right out and saying it, but apparently she's as daft as I am to interest from the opposite sex; plus, the timing is such that now is my chance to come right out and say it, and I'm going to take the chance. For the first time in my life on V-day, I will support it to make someone I know feel loved.

Wish me luck.
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Determined
Feb. 10th, 2009 @ 12:08 am Measurable traits
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: "Either Way", Guster
Ever feel like you were born with the wrong set of personality traits and skills for the era you were born within? I certainly do.

I'm going to be very interested to see what my personality profile shows on the test that I'm going to administer to myself, the MMPI-2 (Minnesota Multiphasic Inventory 2nd edition).

Even though it's a biotch to score, I'm still very much interested as to what I would score. Considering I'm going to be in the library (the only place where we students can borrow the test kits) tomorrow for the greater part of the day, I figure I'll get done my own MMPI-2, my assignment MMPI-A (profile given to us by the professor), and the PAI if I can possibly manage it.

Everyone's taken online personality tests before, but now I'm afforded a rare opportunity to see if they have any correlation with a real, valid and reliable measure of personality. Should be interesting.
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Determined
Jan. 20th, 2009 @ 12:31 pm But seriously.
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: "I don't want to set the world on fire", The Ink Spots
Watching the Presidential Inauguration is a LOT creepier after playing Fallout 3 for the last couple of weeks.

Oh, and speaking of which:


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Kupo
Jan. 18th, 2009 @ 05:27 pm Congrats to Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: NFL on FOX




Arizona goes to their first Super Bowl in franchise history, and Warner leads the team to his own third superbowl, and second team he's been on to the superbowl.

Go get 'em, Kurt. If the Rams can't be there I'm happy that you and your team are. I don't know if you can beat the Steelers, but I certainly hope you will. You were cheated out of your last SB, and hopefully this time things can be made right for you. 

Most exciting conference title game in years. Gonna be a fun superbowl to watch!

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Hooray
Jan. 1st, 2009 @ 12:44 pm Happy New Year's to All.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: "Some Might Say", Oasis
2009 is upon us, boys and girls. Just think about that for a moment. Crazy.

My Father is finally home from the hospital. His physical numbers are completely normal, and his neurological symptoms are completely gone. He's still in pain obviously, but he is cancer-free and his immunity system is doing well enough in recovering from the chemo that he was allowed home. I'm glad this saga at least appears to be winding down. Once his immunity gets up to respectable enough levels, he'll get a treatment for his sciatica (which is really what caused the pain in his back in the first place allowing them to discover the cancer) and hopefully be fully back to normal in a couple of months. Thanks to all for your support and prayers. They paid off.

Dealing with all of the holiday hustle and bustle including making all of the trips to the hospital that we did, it's been a whirlwind of a break for me. I haven't really had much time to wind down at all, but some things are more important, so oh well. I'm eager to get back to Chicago and get back to work, but not looking forward to the frozen hinterlands of the shores of Lake Michigan. I've never braved a winter before that far north and I hear tales that I'll be sick of snow by the time it's done. To that I laugh, but they tell me I won't be laughing for long. I got a nice new winter coat and set of gloves to help make it possible. If you know me at all, I'm not a glove person, but a couple days of walking to class in -40 wind chill has convinced me that it might be worth trying out. My Father being home has made it a bit of a scurry to find transportation back to Chicago, however, as my Mother is afraid of leaving him at home for too long just in case. If my attempts to find a ride don't pan out, I'll have to rent a car which will be a pain to drop off when I reach Chicago, I'm sure.

I still don't know two of my classes' professors, which irks me to no end. I have to buy books soon, and I'm not repeating what I went through in the Fall when I never received all of my books and didn't receive 90% of them until 4 weeks into the semester. I'm taking two much more important classes this semester wherein I really start to learn the techniques of intervention, both from the Cognitive-Behavioral perspective and the classic Psychodynamic perspective, so I needs me books. Quickly.

I hope everyone has had a restful and happy holiday break, and I look forward to what strange twists wait in store for us all in this New Year.

See ya.
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Phil